Disappointment… I’ve felt this a lot though I’m such an optimist. I feel optimistic even now. I look back on my life and think of all the times I felt there was a wall infront of me; I’ve always unfailingly found a way around it. Seriously, I persevere… I feel lucky to have me J
I’ve become pretty involved in my Buddhism classes. I go every Sunday night… From 8pm until late late. I practice meditation, chi-kung, and then I speak with the “guru” or the master that leads everything. Since I’ve just started my master’s degree at school and have met so many new people, this week I asked my guru what I should do. I’ve noticed in meeting new people in foreign communities that there’s a honeymoon period, a 3-month period of bliss where everyone is anxious to be together and admires each other… so thankful for new people, a new country, avenues and creativity. Then things get stale, and people retreat into themselves and stop liking each other. Sad. So this week I asked my guru how can I enjoy this time, the first 3-months, and make it last so that I experience the happiness and friendships for the long term. You know what his response was? NO! He pretty much said that I can’t rely on people or happiness, and that the moment you meet a person you like you’re beginning to lose the person. He went on to say the moment you’re born you start the dying process. And simply, you have to get used to the transient and live with it, not get too attached to people, then you can live with human behavior and people being all effed up all the time. He said if he had expected to have deep, reliable, lasting connections with the people he's met throughout his life he would've committed suicide a long time ago. I guess the one positive he mentioned is destiny, and not to try because things will happen naturally.
Tonight sadly is my first disappointment. Based on my guru’s predictions, there are many more to come. Wish me luck! But thank god I always see the bright side. I still feel lucky and want to pinch myself to make sure I’m awake for this. I love my life and know mostly I made it the way it is. Though I’m disappointed, it’s for a good reason. I vividly remember feeling the same way one time when asking for a promotion at work where I was denied, evenso I knew for some reason I’d get it. And later I got it.
If you’re patient, you get whatever you want. Just work hard and care about yourself, and you can have whatever you want. That’s what I’d tell you if I were your guru J
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it's like 3am and i can't sleep so let me react to your entry.
ReplyDeleteumm, we surpassed the honeymoon period of 3 months right? haha!
i think we had a conversation on this wherein new foreigners/foreign students stick in a group at first but they tend to end up with a clique and see the others less. i guess it's survival and at the same time curiosity. i actually tried to balance my time and effort with people that matters to me because i know my days in Taiwan were limited but it was really tiring.
offhand, here's a big overseas cyber hug on your first disappointment >:D<
on a serious note, i'm happy to hear you are taking Buddhism classes. i can't say whether your master is right or wrong but i apply what he said in certain situations where i know it will lead to disappointments and heartaches. however, i do commit mistakes and get too attached with the (wrong) people in circumstances that aren't clearly going my way. there's a bliss if you have a deep connection with certain people but i guess we should know our boundaries.
Lastly, your last paragraph struck me the most. I wasn't like this before but I am now pretty much impatient in my life. So thanks for reminding me that guru! sorry, super long comment!
張理得
理得, a big hug back at you! Thanks for your note. I hope you got some sleep last night. Be patient, things always fall into place :)
ReplyDeleteHey! This post made me a little sad, but also so excited for you that you are learning about new ways of viewing life. I think that there is some comfort in what your guru said. I know sometimes things feel hopeless and depressing, and its hard to stay rooted in the present, especially if the present is feeling disappointing. I guess just finding perspective, like you said. Just think about how amazing it is that you have changed your life completely and have taken steps to actively pursue change, learn about the world, etc. That's huge!!! I am so proud of you:)And my friendship is still waiting for you back stateside:) love laur
ReplyDeleteOh Laur, just read your comment now :) Yeah, I know the last post was depressing. Hopefully I didn't get people worrying at home. Life moves on and I don't feel so disappointed anymore... haha. Love hearing from you, and glad you're my lasting friend :) Can't wait to get home and hang out with you bonita!
ReplyDeleteEm,
ReplyDeleteHope you are better, and good that you are learning and understanding different points of views, but remember your guru is a monk and his life experiences are completely different than yours and perhaps wouldn't understand a life completely different than his.Take it, with a grain of salt.
As much as the monks tell you that life passes you by, and not to have attachments, these same monks also own BMW Suv's.
Take what you need to have which will help you, and discard that is not pertinent.
Thanks Mark! You are so right... I've already had to do a fair amount of discarding. But overall the experience has been good. When are you kids gonna come back here? I'm ready for a visit and more exploring with the Wichmanns. Will be home for a visit over Christmas. I hope you and Tina will be in town so we can catch up and go to Sushi Mura like old times. I miss you guys!
ReplyDeleteGive us a call when you are back stateside, as it would be good to catch up. We are in Canada for the Christmas, and then probably in Seattle for NYE - but let's take some time to meet up....
ReplyDeleteI can't figure out your security - so if you get three or more posts form us just know that it means that we care.