Disappointment… I’ve felt this a lot though I’m such an optimist. I feel optimistic even now. I look back on my life and think of all the times I felt there was a wall infront of me; I’ve always unfailingly found a way around it. Seriously, I persevere… I feel lucky to have me J

I’ve become pretty involved in my Buddhism classes. I go every Sunday night… From 8pm until late late. I practice meditation, chi-kung, and then I speak with the “guru” or the master that leads everything. Since I’ve just started my master’s degree at school and have met so many new people, this week I asked my guru what I should do. I’ve noticed in meeting new people in foreign communities that there’s a honeymoon period, a 3-month period of bliss where everyone is anxious to be together and admires each other… so thankful for new people, a new country, avenues and creativity. Then things get stale, and people retreat into themselves and stop liking each other. Sad. So this week I asked my guru how can I enjoy this time, the first 3-months, and make it last so that I experience the happiness and friendships for the long term. You know what his response was? NO! He pretty much said that I can’t rely on people or happiness, and that the moment you meet a person you like you’re beginning to lose the person. He went on to say the moment you’re born you start the dying process. And simply, you have to get used to the transient and live with it, not get too attached to people, then you can live with human behavior and people being all effed up all the time. He said if he had expected to have deep, reliable, lasting connections with the people he's met throughout his life he would've committed suicide a long time ago. I guess the one positive he mentioned is destiny, and not to try because things will happen naturally.

Tonight sadly is my first disappointment. Based on my guru’s predictions, there are many more to come. Wish me luck! But thank god I always see the bright side. I still feel lucky and want to pinch myself to make sure I’m awake for this. I love my life and know mostly I made it the way it is. Though I’m disappointed, it’s for a good reason. I vividly remember feeling the same way one time when asking for a promotion at work where I was denied, evenso I knew for some reason I’d get it. And later I got it.

If you’re patient, you get whatever you want. Just work hard and care about yourself, and you can have whatever you want. That’s what I’d tell you if I were your guru J

Sergio Pratz

My friend Sergio left Taiwan on September 6th. I've been so busy with starting my IMBA and meeting new classmates that, thank god, I've hardly had the chance to absorb the loss and the fact that he's no longer here. I met Sergio on my first full day living in Taiwan, September 1, 2009. It's funny because I remember him from the second I saw him. We were in student orientation at the language center, and he spoke up in response to some question on ARCs, Taiwan's green card. I couldn't tell where he was from immediately... I think my first impression was he Arabic British. How on earth?! Show's how ignorant I was at the time. Sergio is of course Mexican.

I'm a realist, at least on a number of levels, Sergio will tell you... He says I'm the one that needs to get more in touch with my "girl cell" (after I forced him to watch Eve Ensler's Ted Talk). I agree, I'm not a girlie-girl, and I don't believe in what some consider to be the more feminine beliefs, like divine intervention or fate. I do however think there was a reason I noticed Sergio on day one in Taiwan. Throughout my first year in Taiwan he enriched my life and made the move so easy. I believe it's because I met Sergio that my life in my first year here has been easy and incredible. On day one, we went to lunch, and he created a checklist of everything I needed to do in order to meet visa/alien resident requirements, get a transportation card, a cell phone/sym card... All things complicated and essential.

Where did the day go?

How can it be that I have all the time in the world yet have no time at all? I feel I am one of the most fortunate people: young, able to not work for a period of time, a student, single with no kids -- while some might not view the last point as a plus, it does mean I have fewer time constraints than those who have significant others or little ones.

So what could be the sucker of my time? I've been trying to do the math and came up with these rough estimates of how I spend my time (per week):

1. Spending time with friends - 15 hours

2. Cooking, cleaning, laundry - 5 hours

3. Running or doing yoga - 10-12 hours

4. Spending time on public trans - 7 hours

5. Weekly discussion group - 3 hours

6. Buddhism studies - 6 hours

7. Class and homework - yet to be accurately calculated but will be roughly 30-35 hours

8. Listening to This American Life, Sound Opinions, BBC, reading news, Daily Show or TED.com - 5 hours

9. Spending time on facebook and kicking around online - 21 HOURS!

10. Drinking - if I have one night of partying, that can eat up quite a few more hours than I care to admit, from time of consumption to full recovery. In the past few weeks I've had some goodbye parties for friends leaving Taiwan which have put me out at least 15 hours.. But the goodbye parties are over for the meantime.

Looking at the above list, I'm thinking facebook has got to go! I've been thinking this for a while. I love it... Seeing pictures of long lost friends, the LOLs with people I love, the endless entertainment in following threads and videos, the occasional snoop into private lives of others, like seeing what my best friend from grade school is up to and thinking, "what made her into a republican and OMG! that's the guy she wound up with!?" (the most pathetic and saddest loss of my precious time and brain power).

So that's how I spend my time... And this is how I would like to spend an average weekday:

8am - up, breakfast, shower, coffee, tidy

9am - study Chinese

10am - IMBA study

noon - lunch - preferably with a friend

1pm - IMBA study
3pm - yoga

5pm - head to school

6pm - dinner with classmates

7-10pm - class (nights I don't have class substitute running, cooking, studying)

11pm - home, read, write, meditate, glass of red wine

12pm - bed

I recently listened to a Chrissie Hynde interview on Sound Opinions. She believes people are becoming less creative as a result of things like Facebook and it's taking a toll on the music that's coming out. She said teens used to come home from school and sit on their beds learning to play guitar or doing something creative. Now entire afternoons are spent on facebook. Besides that, I frequently observe people taking pictures of themselves, all throughout their meals and interactions, photographing every moment and living their lives for facebook posts. And I observe myself sometimes catching thoughts and thinking they'd make good status updates... These of course are all the negatives to facebook. I'm sure someone could list all the positives, but to me the negatives still win out. And I know it's not the tools, email or facebook, it's the user. However, I think particularly with facebook they're continually developing new features to make you more involved and sucked in.

So I know I need to stop complaining and do something. I will do something... I'm in the process of devising a plan to change the way I spend my time. I may have to try a few weeks without facebook and email altogether; just calls, skype, blogger, face-to-face interactions. I think if I cut out facebook and email for a while it would feel similar to when I quit smoking: all of a sudden I'll have time to do everything I want in a day with extra time to be creative. I'll stop worrying about my life slipping away... We'll see if I have the will power to disconnect for a while; I feel it building everyday as I wonder where the time went.

But first, let me go check my email and facebook :-)